The Math Teacher

I've decided to call the new playpal The Math Teacher. He's smart, generous, a sadist and a switch.

It's been present from the beginning of our relationship. The pain. We both enjoy it, cherish it and want more of it. We both curse at the other when being hurt but the second the pain stops we ask for more. We often laugh and joke about our lack of self-preservation but in truth, I don't think any of us feel as much alive as when the pain runs through our bodies. It's a kick. An addiction and we don't plan on quitting. Ever.

He wants me to hurt him. To use his body to inflict pain, to use him to arouse myself. And I do. I torture and torment his body in every way I can imagine, enjoying every minute of it, and he still asks me for more when I'm done. It's all very liberating and I've discovered that my sadistic side is stronger and more evil than I ever imagined.

I want him to hurt me. To use me. To make me scream and cry. To leave my body with red marks and an exhausted mind. And he does. He plays with my body and mind until I'm right where he wants me, and then he hurts me some more. I enjoy every minute of it. The fear, the pain, the acceptance and the intense feelings - all mixed together into bliss.

...in wich she finds a new play pal, breaks up with her boyfriend and considers moving to Stockholm

So yeah, the title says it all really. Me and my boyfriend has broken up. We've been together for 8 years roughly and living together for 5. We're not angry at each other, we do not hate each other, we're simply put still friends. And the caring and loving for each other is still there but more in the form of brother and sister-love. So we decided to make it official a month or two ago without to much of a fuss. There's nothing dirty about it at all, we just decided that it was time we went our separate ways. It does actually feel kinda nice, I feel strong and like I'm finally going somewhere in my life. All will be well in the end somehow.

Speaking of moving on with my life, I've applied to university in Stockholm and if I get accepted I'll be moving there. It's a big city compared to where I'm living now and there's people everywhere! I guess I'll get used to it eventually but for now it's a bit scary. Hopefully this will lead to education, a good job and a chance to be closer to my friends.

I didn't really waste any time after The Beast left, I licked my wounds and started hunting again. He didn't crush me by the way it all ended but he did leave some wounds. I think they're healed now, just some scar tissue left to handle. Soon after our breakup I realized that the man I've been mailing with back and forth during the summer was actually quit nice talking to, and his writing made me curious for more. So we met, it all went well and here I am, two months later, sitting in his apartment, wearing his clothes and writing on his computer.

Kinda looks like a slumber party gone perverted.

Struggling boys. Humongous wooden dicks. Competition. Huge black dildo as reward. All fun and games!

Also, they apparently have lubricant, what are the competing boys whining about?

His hand around her neck.

Her cuffed hands ( I assume they are).

Her exposed breats (in a fucking marvellous dress).

Her devious look as she faces her soon-to-be-tormentor.

I <3 her.

I'm sorry to say...

As much as it saddens me to write this I have to let it out. Me and The Beast is no more. We've broken up and most likely won't see each other for sex again. At times I feel relieved and at times I wish to go back to what we had.

I've experienced so much in the arms of that man and I'm sure we could have gone much deeper into bdsm than we did, we were always coming up with new things to try out and I did some stuff with him I never thought I'd do.
It felt like nothing were holding us back and there were nothing we couldn't tell each other about sex. Sadly other parts of our relationship were messed up and we never got them back on track.

It was an amazing journey.
Though I'll try to get back up on my feet and start looking for a new partner in (crime) bed as soon as possible, not having sex is boring.

Drawn by Ulf_Popenos over at Darkside

There's something about the picture I find enthralling.

The way I assume an facial expression of lust where there are no expression.
The way he towers over her, his power that's shown so obvious to my eyes.
His strength, her pleasure.
His arm around her neck, a silent threat of lust and danger.

Twisted Monk

It's just such a lovely performance, don't want anyone to miss it!

Live Performance "Tryst @ Little Red Studio 05/2010" from Twisted Monk on Vimeo.

Had my heart broken - check.

Kissed a girl - check

A leap of faith

It was quiet in the car, the man was focused on driving and the girl... Well she was staring out the window. Who knew what was going through her mind.

A sudden sigh interrupted the quiteness and she turned her head to look at him. 

"Anything troubeling you?"

"No, no! Not at all! It was just a sigh!"

The hint of panick in his voice awoke her interest but she kept quiet and decided to wait for him. Eventually he'd crack and they had many more hours in the car before the trip was done. Time was on her side. 

Suddenly he cursed and hit the brake, making a quick stop at the side of the road. She had been taken by surprise so for a while all she could do was try to catch her breath but eventually she turned around and stared at him. "What's this about now? You scared the shit out of me. Was it an animal?"
While waiting for his reply she noticed how hard he seemed to hold the wheel, his knuckles white and how he was hanging with his head close to the wheel. With eyes widening of fright she reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder. "You okey, did you hit your head?"
"Don't touch me! I'm not worthy of your sympathy!"
Stunned she removed her hand and leaned back to her seat. He had never acted this irrational before, what was the problem?
He sighed yet again. "I'm sorry, so sorry. I can't keep quiet any longer. I guess you'll hate me soon enough. And it's ok if you do, but please don't tell anyone. And don't call the police. Can you promise me that?" 
"What, to not call the police and tell them what? That you hit the brakes like a crazy man? No I'm not gonna call the cops on you. Silly."
"Not about that."
"Ok then, you need to give me a little more to go on here. Have you killed someone?" she asked with a smile. She was quietly amused and curious and not really worried that he might have done something awful. He slowly straightened his back and looked directly at her. His eyes were dark, shameful and, strange enough, longing.
"You make me horny. I can't think about anything else than your body. When I go to sleep at night you are in my thoughts. When I wake up my morning hard-on is because of the dreams I've had with you in them. Every day I get to see you is filled with joy, and shame. Joy because it feels so good being by your side. Shame because where I really want to be is by your feet."
"My what?" The words choked up for her, totally caught off guard she just stared at him in disbelief.
"Oh god I knew it would end bad. Don't hate me to much. I know I'm sick but seeing you made me believe it would be possible!" He reached for her with a begging expression. Grabbing her shoulders he begged her again to not tell anyone. During his monologue the words he had spoke finally reached her. By her feet, he said. A smile started spreading on her face. She understood now. She knew what he wanted, what he was trying to tell her and what she should do about it.
"Shut your mouth. Drive us a bit into the forest."
That put a stop to his words and he looked in surprise at her. "You mean, now?"
"Of course. When else?"
He quickly started the car and drove it a couple of hundred meters down the road to a small dirt road that led into the forest. "Make sure no one can see us from the big road then park and turn the engine off." He didn't utter a word until he had followed her command and everything was quiet again.
"Are you angry at me? I understand if you are."
"I want you to explain what you said; By my feet. Why would you say something like that?"
For a while he stared out into the forest and then drew a big breath and started explaining. How he always had been interested in dominant girls, being their servant, obeying every command and doing it with pleasure. Without hesitating he then went on to talk about her. How she made him horny as hell, how he couldn't take his eyes off her body and that he had been dreaming of her every night for the last month. Dreaming of her as his Miss, being used and abused. Locked up in a chasitybelt, tortured, ordered to please her and fulfill her every need. When he finally shut up she sat quiet for a while.
"So you want me to be your Miss. And you think I would agree to do all that to you?"
"No Miss, I don't for a second think that you'd make me so happy. I'm sick. I shouldn't have told you but now that I have, I feel relieved no matter how this ends."
"Why do you call me Miss?"
"Because to me you already are my Miss, I put my reputation and well-being in your hands now. You decide where we go from here. All the power to you, just as I want it." Their eyes met once again and she took a quick decision. "Let's get some fresh air." They climbed out of the big car and stood in front of the peaceful forest.
"Undress."
"Huh!?" He stared at her, the surprise in his eyes were amusing.
"Take off your sodding clothes, are you deaf? Can't you obey even the easiest command? You get what you've been dreaming about for so long and you ruin it at once?"
Fumbling he removed his clothes and threw them on the ground. "Finally. Now, go into to woods, find a branch, preferably birch, that you think will be suitable for whipping. Get it, take it back to me and don't make me wait too long."
He bowed in front of her and then ran into the wood not caring about grovel and twigs hurting his naked body. She smiled to herself, that man could prove to be fun. 
A minute later he returned, heavily breathing and with red scratches all over his body. In his hands was a perfect twig and he kneeled in front of her holding the twig up high to present it to her. 
"Now that was a much better performance. You acted fast and without hesitation, perhaps you do know what you need to do. Let's get into the car again." As he started to open the door to the drivers seat she stopped him with the twig. "No, no. Not yet. Get into the back."
The back of the car was a big space meant for transportation. It also contained lots of rope to tie the cargo with. As he crawled into the car she carefully stroked his ass and pondered what fun things life had in store for them.


A few minutes later she had him tightly tied with thick rope to the ceiling of the car and was watching him pull it to make sure he was secured. "Alright then. You wanted me to be your Miss. You wanted to please me and to be tortured. Well here I am and you have no idea what you have put yourself in." With that she started to hit him with the birch. Working her way from top to toe and making sure all of his body was covered with red scratches. At first he just moaned and twitched when she hit him but as the marks grew in number his voice got a high pitched tone and he started with the begging. "Miss, oh god it hurts. Miss please don't. I didn't know, I was naive! Release me!"
"Keep on begging slave, it shows you still have resistance in you. And resistance means I can break you down even more."


She didn't stop hitting until he was hanging from the ceiling, eyes closed and only a vague whimper escaping his lips. She judged him to be broken down and threw the twig away and started releasing him. When the last of the ropes left his wrists he collapsed into her arms and she gently hugged his shivering, red body. "Was it something like this you had in mind darling?"
He slowly regained his strength and stood on his own feet again. The intense look in his eyes told her the answer before he opened his mouth. "Yes Miss. It was fantastic! I never dared hope that you'd take me seriously. I was so scared before I realized that it was going in a good direction. That you wanted to be my Miss. Thanks."

Marvellous. Pure beauty. Steaming. Would love to be a fly on the wall with these two. The hand with a tight grip on the hair. The expression of pleasure. Their position. All in all a perfect picture of lust.

Ian McKellen

Thank you Sir Ian McKellen for proving that you are a sensible human.

Sweet moses, I need to look at more gay porn. Hot studs having sex with other hot studs - what's not to love?

What an interesting photo this is. We don't actually get to see the caning but we can imagine what has just happened between the two.
Her butt is probably red and aching and she's desperatly trying to cool it with the fan. But most likely to no avail. In my mind her master is only giving her a moment to rest before he's on it again.

This picture makes me long for the cane. I know that the moment the cane hits my body I'll regrett wanting it but I still do.

The Beast has a cane. I've yet to taste it for more than a few strokes but I'm sure more are to come. We only have a limited time to play around when we meet so we can't do it all in one go. Im just so impatient and I can't wait to develop more and more sick ideas with this man. He has a imagination and a desire to fulfill his darkest dreams that I haven't meet before, plus his personality is really focused on being in control of every little detail, wich in sessions is really handy. Not so much in our "normal" relationship... But hey, that's an entirely different blog!

In addition to getting caned on my ass I like to have the sole of my feets and the palm of my hands caned. Not as hard as an ass-caning though, I do like to be able to walk afterwards. But a lighter stroke of the cane on the sole or the palm can really trigger something inside me. Pain triggers the nerves of course and at the same time it's an act of dominans. "Look what I can do to your body. It's all mine and you don't get to say no."*

The simple act of sitting on the floor in front of a master wielding a cane would get me aroused. Being inspected while he walks around my naked body, using the cane to point at body parts and demanding that I position myself differently. Cuddling with The Beast on the couch, having the cane on the table in front of us as a reminder of who's in charge.


*Disclaimer: Of course I get to say no, the whole part of playing around in the bdsm-world is that both the sub and the dom have the right and obligation to say no whenever something feels out of hand. I always assume you readers know about this part since you are reading my blog.
In fact, Im so safe with The Beast that even the slightest twitch or moan that isen't part of my submission gets him to stop what he's doing. He is an excellent master for me (insert ridiculously big smile).

I was watching Eurovision Song Contest Semifinal II last night and during two performances the male singer took a steady grip on his female counterparts throat on the stage.
My submissive side awoke both times.
Getting my needs well fulfilled last weekend apparently made me hungry for more, not satisfied for a while ahead. Could also be the period incoming. God I'm horny.




Furthermore, this is an awesome picture. Feeling that big strong hand pressing over your mouth, not being able to scream or get away. Yes please! Like now. Like all the time.

My mind is so sick at times. And I love it!

Ryan Reynolds

Apparently this is the actor Ryan Reynolds - I have no idea who he is or what movies he has done but whatever. Look at his position, his predicament. There is something very erotic about a strong man properly broken down. I'd walk around him with a whip in my hand and tease him merciless.

"Those big, strong muscles ain't doing ya no good now hun."

Then I'd torment him in my basement where the screams don't reach outside my wall. I think I need a maschocistic little slave boy to play around with. The Beast does not like pain - to my disappointment.

The surprise

Cling film.

Ever tried that as a bondage tool? If not, do so.

Last week The Beast had promised me a surprise for the weekend. We were going to spend four days together and I had high hopes for what he had in plan for me. I was not let down. At all.

I went to his place Thursday afternoon, regular sex occured, we cuddled and fell asleep. Friday came, we did a bunch of chores and in the afternoon it was time to start preparing the dinner. But first he sent me to the shower to shave and clean up. So I shaved real close, making my pussy hairless except for a tuft of hair above the lips. Suddenly he bursts in through the door wielding a pair of scissors and brutally cut a big chunk of the tuft away. I wasn't in submissive mood at the time so I was really stunned when he did it but yet surprisingly horny by it.

When I was done in the shower he told me he wanted to dress me up. A black rope harnesk around my upper body, black leather cuffs around my ankle and wrists, a chain running from ankle to ankle and a chain running from my waist to my wrist cuffs, he put a strong vibrator in my pussy and a leather collar around my neck.

Then he started wrapping me in cling film. He covered my body in it, starting from my breasts and ending just below my pussy. When he was done I had a shiny, see-through, dress. 

I could barely move and bending over was impossible. Looking at myself in the mirror was awesome, it looked gorgeous with the plastic and the black details. I do want to do that again!

After preparing the dinner and putting it in the oven it was time to eat. I made the table for one and he cut my pizza into small slices and served them in a bowl on the floor. The sensation of being forced to stick your face into a bowl on the floor and getting food all over your face is lovely. The humiliation, the position with your ass sticking out - it all works. After being a good girl and finishing the food I was allowed to sit at the table and even got permission to speak more freely. But only for 20 minutes. And I wasen't allowed to look at the watch. That was exciting and a really nice advice if you want to freak out your sub. You sub will either constantly be afraid of missing the time so she barely speaks or forget about the time and get caught doing something forbidden, wich in my opinion is a sweet sensation.

The evening had more fun stuff, but I'll get back to that at a later time!

All I have to say is nom nom nom.

That oily sensation

The Beast has a rubber sheet (it's not actually rubber but close enough) wich we finally got around to using last weekend. We spread it over his huge bed, took of our clothes and started putting on oil. Just regular baby oil to be economic. Let me put it this way - Go buy yourself a sheet (english/swedish)! You don't have to be even slightly kinky to appreciate this. It's lovely!

Being slippery and oily and sliding around on the sheet is fun but it's not why you should buy it. It's for the sensation of getting stroked all over your body over and over and over. The oil, the sheet and your partners body work together in a wonderful way and every nerve is getting stimulated at the same time. I'm generally a horny person but being huddled up with The Beast on that sheet made me go bananas. We humans do require human touch to feel good and that's exactly what this session gave to us. Touch. Feeling good.

The session did start out with me in a submissive role and him as my master but it was soon apparent that I couldn't keep myself in that role, the oil and the sheet felt to good to have as a second stimulation. It needed to be my first. So we switched. Between sub and dom, between kink and vanilla and we spent a good 3 hours having fun on that sheet. I'm guessing it'll be used more often in the future.

Portal

So I recently came into possession of a copy of Portal. I've been wanting to try it out but was afraid that the puzzles would drive me into madness so I didn't want to buy it. But lo and behold, Steam offers it for free!

Now, this is not a game review (The game is really sweet though) but rather about a google search I did after playing for a while on the name GlaDOS, wich is an AI that follows you throughout the game.

Can't recall why I googled her but the first picture that showed up was this one and I fell for it. I love the mumification, the sense deprivation, the leather belts. It's all lovely!

"With his hands around my neck, I close my eyes and pass away"

I have always been into breath control but since I met The Beast that interest has really exploded and I can't imagine sex without some kind of breath control. Preferably being strangled.

First of all, my neck is an erotic zone and any kind of touch there will cause goosebumps on me. Secondly it's the power I give to my partner: "Here's my supply of oxygen, you decide if I can use it or not". And thirdly, something about the brutal hand around my throat and the look in The Beasts eyes when he does it makes me spin into immense hornyness. I'm rather certain that the lack of oxygen also has an impact on my bodys reactions but I know too little about biology to determine to wich extent.

As you might have guessed The Beast is really into it, strangling someone, and we've talked a bit about it. How far can you take it, when does it start to become dangerous (the second you put your hand around someones neck) and what do we want to keep as fantasy and what do we want to experience. So far we've taken it slow and safe and I never really had to struggle for air more than a few times but that is something I want to change. I want the feelings to rush through my body and I want them to rush because the panic is closing in and I have to restrain myself from starting to fight him. Then when I'm about to loose control or just have I want him to remove his hand and allow me to breath again. The intensity and amount of feelings then...oh boy!

The Rammstein video I have embedded is not only there because I love Rammsteins music. This song puts me in the mood of being strangled close to the edge and I can't help but being turned on by it. I have this image of how I want it being played while we take strangling one step further and I actually pass out because of it.
I'm rather certain it's not something I want to experience for real.
I think.

The return of the writer

This is a picture of The Beast holding my hair in a tight grip and pulling my head back. To a non-kinky eye it might look like I'm about to get a beating but rest assured, I'm in a very happy place on that picture.

You could say that my entire head is a erotic zone. Inside out.
Taking a firm grip of my throath, grabbing my hair and pulling my head back, holding my chin firmly, putting clothes peg on my lip or giving me a slap on the cheek are all ways to get me hot and submissive and will stimulate my mind too.
Kissing me gently and stroking my cheek like a delicate flower will make me yawn and start doing something more productive - like watching paint dry.

When pulling hair I find that it's important to take a big chunk of hair in ones hand, having to little hair in your hand will hurt to much for my taste and it'll most likely feel like you're actually trying to rip the hair of the skull. Not pleasant.

The collar I'm wearing is bought from an animal store and is a regular black leather collar for dogs but who knew, it fits a bitch too! Actually my favourite collar out of the four I have. It's plain and simple and I love it because of it, plus it fits my neck perfectly A bit on the tight side so I never forget that it's there. Asides from this I have another collar made for dogs but with bling bling on it, a wide posture collar in black leather and a hard silver necklace with The Beasts initial on it.

Yes I've worn both the silver necklace and the necklace on the picture in public and yes I was nervous!

One of this would be perfect for me. 

Would certainly keep me from making more mistakes. But I could use a lock on my mobile phone too. 

I went to sleep last night in the afterglow of an orgasm so naturally I woke up horny today. Feeling in a cocky mood I decided to share all the naughty details with The Beast. 

Of course I knew he was going to be very busy in the morning and probably not at all be able to have a sexy conversation with me but it didn't bother me. I wanted to tease him and so I did. SMS after SMS filled with thoughts I had before fallin asleep och things we are going to do to the weekend. Untill finally he snapped...

He called me, acting as my Master, and gave me a proper yelling. Telling me how badly I've behaved and how much I'm going to pay for this in the weekend. He really stepped up to the task of bringing me under control. I've honestly been feeling a bit shameful the entire day and my submissive side has been very active.

I love it!

Yay!

Something awesome happened the other week!

I complained a while back that I have a bit of a hang up when it comes to getting an orgasm without helping myself. Most of it is because I think to much and try to hard to reach orgasm.

One night my boyfriend woke me up with kisses and strokes. But I wasen't totally awake, just enough to know how to respond to his strokes. So when he went down on me and used a couple of fingers inside of me and put his thumb on my clitoris I only enjoyed myself. I didn't have any conscious thoughts at all and that's why it happened. He made me come all by himself! My hands were nowhere close to my pussy when the orgasm took my body in possession. It was awesome!

Seconds later I fell back into sleep without any kind of payback to my lovely boyfriend. Wops!

Gangbang

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Confusing dreams

I had a long and advanced dream tonight in wich my summer crush had the lead part.

There were a brief part of sex in it but not enough to be classed as a sex dream. I think it was more a dream coming from the part of me that still has some kind of feelings for him. Of course I have feelings for him, he was a big part of my life for a time so it would be stranger to not have them. Question is what kind of feelings it is and why I feel a bit bothered.

A year ago he cancelled our friendship in favour of a relationship he wanted to function normally and I was fine with that at the time. I still get an sms on my birthday, christmas and on new years eve but all other contacts have been broken. Up until this fall I didn't miss him much, he was just a very fond memory. During the fall I started longing for his friendship again and you know I've mentioned before what I wouldn't give to have sex with him again. But I never been really sure as to why I felt like that? Did I miss him specifically or did I just miss someone like that?

After meeting the beast pretty much all of those feeling went away and I concluded that it was just a matter of wanting what I couldn't have. When waking up this morning I was confused again. The main part of the dream was about us talking and me trying to get an answer out of him but not getting it. Is there something I still need from him? Did our closure go bad? Or was the dream about the last sms I sent without getting a reply? No I don't stalk or spam, it was a simple question about his life.

Blowjobs

Ever since me and The Beast met we have been very responsible about our safety. We've always used a condom and never performed oral sex on either of us. We decided on our first meeting that we were gonna wait with oral sex until we're both sure that none of us have an STD. I've already got my test results back and I'm healthy as ever. At the end of the week he will have his results and after that it's party in the hay sack for us! Not that it isen't a big wooping party every time we meet...

I can't believe how much I'm longing for it, to be able to use my tongue and mouth on his dick. I long for that even more than I want his tongue on my pussy. Rather amazing eh? Every time we've had sex both of us have been longing and wanting to do it. Badly wanting to do it. I've been leaning over him and had my tongue close to his dick more than a few times and barely stopping in time, settling with nibbling and sucking his testicles. 

Worst case scenario is that he's not healthy but meh, I hardly believe that will happen. I don't want that to be true. I'm giving him a blowjob this weekend and that's the end of this discussion!