My play pal

When I was 15 years old I meet my first boyfriend online. We started visiting each other and stayed together for 10 months. Since he turned out to be a true idiot this post wont be about him. It will be about my next boyfriend who I met during that time.

Even during my first relationship I had contact with him and I remember us spending some nights together on the phone, talking dirty and revealing naughty secrets to each other (no I had no respect for normal boundries within a relationship back then either). This was in the time when I first started discovering the kinky side of me (Hm, I'll make another post about my bdsm-discovery later I think) and it developed even more with him. It was all very exciting and forbidden. Ok no, I lied there. I never felt like I was doing something forbidden. How strangely it may sound I always had the point of view that if it doesnt hurt another being, then all is ok. Getting side tracked here.

So, after the breakup with my first boyfriend I soon found myself together with my second boyfriend. We weren't a perfect match as far as love goes, I see that now. But we shared a common interest in sex, bdsm. We explored and had fun. Of course, back then we were two kids playing around without much experience and few homemade toys (got my first dildo at 18...from my own sister!). We had the standard clothespin and leather belts that we had lots of fun with. After three months he broke up with me (cry, cry, sob) and we moved our separate ways.

One year later (and this I'll write because it's a very fond memory) we met yet again on a sumer party. We hugged, happy to see each other and he gave me a kiss on the forehead. I quitley asked him to not do that unless it meant something, his kiss actually reminded me of the pain when he broke up with me. He didn't say a thing, just kissed me on the forehead again. We spent the rest of the evening making out. I would like to call that evening one of my best actually. We even discussed meeting again for some kinky sex (at that time I had been alone for a year with a newly awoken interest in bdsm so I was quite frustrated) but it never made it from plans to reality. I don't know why, think I'll ask him soon. Maybe he thought I wouldn't be able to handle a sex relationship (could be correct) or maybe he only wanted to make out for the evening. Sadly I went home to my place, he went to his and we didn't meet again for a long time I think.

In the fall of 2007 we stumbled across each other on Facebook and started chatting. He then uttered the words "I wouldn't hesitate one sec to tie you up again" wich led us upon the path we are on now. I travelled to his city in some work related education and we got a chance to see if we still worked together. From the moment we hugged at the train station I was horny. Nothing happened that time, we ate, played and watched movies and I had to control myself not to beg him to hurt me. I doubt his boyfriend would have been very happy if I did that. I think it took somewhat closer to six months before another chance to meet occured. I visited him for some days and it was wonderful! He was skilled, brutal and good with ropes. My strongest memory of the visit was when he tied me on my back to a table, arms and legs spread, and put really big clamps on my nipples. He then sat and watched me squirm and moan for some time. I can't express how incredible horny I was. My mind were lustfully floating somewhere in happy place and my body was yearning for more-more-more. And just when I thougt the feeling (read pain) couldn't get more intense he removed the clamps and brutally squeezed my breasts. Intense pain mixed with intense pleasure. I screamed. I wriggled. I looked into his eyes and there were no comfort. Dear god I want to experience that again.

Since then we met a few times more, each and every visit more painfull than the other. I think I might even have reached my limit. This weeked it is time for another visit. It may not be the main reason why Im going but I do hope that we can find time to play with each other.

Somewhere along the road he went from being my ex-boyfriend to being my friend who beats me up at times. I am so happy that we met again. Or else I would be a very frustrated Porrtroll.

Barbie

So this week I spent a day together with my sis and her kids. I ended up on the floor laying puzzles and playing with barbie dolls. And I guess some old memory of me as a kid (say 11) playing with my barbie dolls and making them have sex (wich was very hard since they dont have genitalias) came back to me because I started feeling horny. Their ugly plastic bodies made me wanna dress them up in kinky outfits and do some role playing with them. I did that quite a lot in my early days. Must have been a part of the exploration of my own sexuality. Making my barbies have sex, and doing forbidden kinky stuff was bliss for a curious kid just discovering sex.

I remember other naughty games I used to play. I had a box full of funny clothes that I used to dress up in and play with. I usually ended up as a strict schoolteacher (corsett with stuffed bra, white blouse, stockings and a red skirt) who told her naughty students to behave. Or in a dress (blue with flowers on, chinese modell) and feeling like a innocent girl that someone was taking advantage off. Once with a friend I was playing a photographer and she was the modell and I kept trying to make her pretend to take her clothes off in front of the camera.

For now I can't recall a single romantic fantasy I have had while masturbating as young. Well maybe that elaborated one I had while going on a very long car journey. I made up 5 handsome guys, gave them different looks and personalities and made them all adore me (I was very into Backstreet Boys at that time, my fantasy boys might have had vague similarities with BB looks...). But still, even if that sounds normal I remember making some of them a bit more violent in the way they had sex with me. Romantic vanilla sex has never been a vocabulary in my sexual dictionary.

Around the same age or even younger I remember playing cowboys and indians with my childhood friend and we used to tie each other up around a tree, cause that's what cowboys and indians do. I didn't know it back then but looking back, there was a certain feeling in me when I was the one being tied up.

Even doctors play occured during my young years. I made up some kind of fantasy that always ended with the doctor taking my tempeture, and we're not talking in the mouth.

When I got home after the day spent playing with my nieces I was so horny and kinky that I actually considered buying a barbie to abuse. It had to be one with jointed legs and arms for what I had planned and maybe with some nice clothes so I could make her look like a whore in her short skirt and abused body.

Picture found at http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3105/2643381067_5777d00efe.jpg

My summer crush

I didnt have my teenage summer crush at sweet 16. I had it at 23. A bit late but oh so much sweeter. And hotter.

It all started with the help of a online game we both were playing alot. We were playing buddys, we grew our friendship, it seemed very strong and we were both appreciating and hoping it would last for ever. And then came the day we meet.

I went to Gothenburg, by air plane, an adventure by itself, to meet an old friend. There I hooked up with a couple of other friends from the same online game and the sumer crush. The four of us had dinner, got to know each other and I think I hade the most wonderful night with friends I ever had.

Me and my sumer crush, had decided to go to a entertainment park the next day. Thanks to my fot being messed up we spent most of our time slowly walking around or sitting on benches eating cotton candy. When afternoon came we went to his hotel for a little break, at least that was the official excuse. We talked for hours and hours, lying on his bed, queen size mind you, slowly slowly moving closer to each other. Our bodys were literally screaming for some contact but we were a bit to hesitant to acknowledge that at once. This foreplay went on for roughly 5-6 hours before he happened to stumble across my weak spot. He just softly touched me and I fell. Damn I fell so hard I could hear the bang. After that it was no turning back. Another 5-6 hours later we fell asleep, exhausted. I took his virginity in so many ways except the normal one. I am a bit impressed by myself, all the things I showed him that could be done. Yes, proud and happy.

We stuck together for the next 3 months and time moved so slowy when we weren't together. Now when I look back I find myself thinking that 3 months isen't a very long time at all. But while it was lasting, every day at home were painfull. Yes, it was a full blown crush. And of course everything came crashing down on us eventually, as intensive feelings tend to do. We seem to still be friends, but there is a large distance. It sadens me because I really miss what we had, but at the same time Im content. I dont have a crush on him anymore. Im happy the way things are. With that said, I would gladly pay the trip to see him again if he called for me. As I said, my sumer crush was really hot.

My sexography

Then again, if I were to count the numbers of people I played around with on the internet/webcam/phone I'd raise that number a great deal.

#1 was many many years ago, a guy I hooked up with on the internet and then ended up talking with on the phone. He wanted me to be dom but I was young and only sub at that time so I got an orgasm while he was being dom.

#2 and 4-7 is guys I've hooked up with while playing different online games and ended up getting orgasms from.

#2 I were friends with for a while, then suddenly we ended up in playtime and spent quite a few weeks chatting late and being very dirty. He was good fun, we lost contact now though.

#3 was a couple I spoke with for a longer while, we almost made plans to meet and see what happened but it never got anywhere. One night I was really drunk and decided to show off my body on webcam, they liked to watch.

#4 was only chatt, a real dom, a good one. He made me earn the right to call him Sir. He knows me very well and are able to tell me things I didn't even realize.

#5 I played with on the webcam and mic, vanilla bdsm. We still play the game together but nothing more is happening in the sex apartment.

#6 was one night, a short thing, brought up by alcohol and some earlier conversations in that direction.

#7 is a close friend who happened to like me as a dom. I am so very thankfull and happy that I get to show him this world of mine.

I think that was all, of course I've had many more sex chatts with random strangers but they just didn't stick and so they arent qualified for this list.

My sexography

I've had 4 sexpartners.

#1 was my first boyfriend. He took my virginity, it was also he who gave me my first kiss, my first petting, first anal, my first anything really. I was a total noob on sex of any kind back then. It took me 10 months to realize he was a scumbag and it took years before I stopped being afraid of him. But the sex was good.

#2 was my second boyfriend. It was with him I started exploring bdsm. Sex was good, exploring was good, our personal chemistry sucked though. We lost contact but now we're back at friends stage. A friend who occasionally ties me up, beats me and uses me for his own pleasures. Gotta love a friend who gives you what you need.

#3 is my current boyfriend. We've been together for 6 years now, lived together for roughly 3 years. Sex used to be good but lately it has started to degenerate down to once a month. Yes that sucks. Bad.

#4 was my sumer crush. We were online friends for a long time without crossing that border into sex. Then the chance came to meet each other, we both jumped of joy of course. Before we meet I asked the rather fateful question if he ever thought of me as something else than a good friend. He answered yes. After that it went downhill into sex of an awesome kind but also ruined feelings. I could be prouder of some of my actions, but I will never ever regret having him as a sexpartner. I name him the God of Licking a Woman.

So, that's all. A very short list. Im disappointed. Next after getting myself a job I like is the need for more sexual experience. Im glad I have a open relationship that allows me to take a chance if I see it.